Diary of a SAFFA Dog – Weekend Wisdom

It has been a long weekend here on the Goldie, so we have been partying since Thursday evening.  We are back on our economy drive today after the excitement of receiving a donation from the Revenue.

Mother has spent most of the weekend oiling the ‘upper deck’.  Her reasoning being that ‘anyone can wield a paintbrush’.  As such she felt it unnecessary to employ a ‘tradie’ at an exhorbitant hourly rate to do it for her.  I must admit she has made a fair job of it!

We had a pretty good outing to the park with Barney’s BFF Molly.  We all cavorted in the lily pond and were told we now smell like rotting garbage.

Mother went off early on Sunday to a Japanese tea drinking session.  I was somewhat surprised, as she normally only enjoys events that have a serving of an alcoholic beverage included.  On her return, she expressed enthusiasm for the outing but mentioned that there was possibly something wrong with drinking a liquid which smelt of grass and looked like pond sludge.

On her way to collect Piper’s mom and dad, she told me she had almost murdered a duck family who were taking a Sunday morning stroll along the road.  A lengthy diatribe followed on the parenting skills of ducks.  She appears to have great knowledge of this topic having observed several mother ducks lose their offspring in similar unfortunate situations.  I innocently asked if Bella was also a bad parent as she appears to have lost all twenty two of her puppies. I was told, somewhat snottily I thought, this was quite a different thing!

I have been watching world news all day, as Mother forgot to change the channels for us when she went out this morning.  There has been much on about a place called Syria and a man called Banana who apparently wants to drop a lot of bombs on them.  I asked Mother if it was something I should worry about.  She reassured me and said that was one of the advantages of living in ‘the arse end of the world’ and that nobody knows where ‘Straya’ is anyway.

I have also been watching our ‘pollies’ arguing with each other about who should run Australia.  Kevin O7 thinks he is the bloke for the job, but we all think the small man with the big ears will do better.  Mother says they are all a load of clowns and you can’t get a quality politician anywhere anymore, but then her ‘hero’ was the Thatcher woman!

On that happy note I will retire….happy days!


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